As I watched all of these Dolph Lundgren films, I was pleasantly surprised by a few diamonds in the rough. Rather than wax philosophic on the films most of us have seen, I have chosen to highlight some films that were under the radar for me. I honestly never heard of these movies prior to looking them up on IMDB, but I really enjoyed my viewing experience. Without further adieu, let’s take a look at some of the best.
Top 5 First Watches
Men of War
Talk about a hidden gem. Men of War has an incredible cast. With one of Dolph Lundgren’s best acting performances, this film tackles what happens when a band of mercenaries rebels against their employers to save an island. Come for the great putting the band together montage and stay for the moment a bunch of children take out Tiny Lister Jr. by jumping on his balls. Read more about Men of War in it’s #3 review on The Definitive Dolph Lundgren Film Ranking.
The Last Patrol / The Last Warrior
The Last Patrol ranked #4 overall in The Definitive Dolph Lundgren Film Ranking. Maybe it’s COVID-19, but apocalypse movies currently hit me harder than they normally do. After a very on point opening monologue, The Last Patrol serves up some Tremors-style desert humor realness. Come for the split off of the mainland by an earthquake post-apocalyptic California landscape and stay for the moment Dolph’s contingent battles an out of control prison population.
Joshua Tree / Army of One
Ranked #5 overall, Joshua Tree brings all of the cheesy action goodness you can ask for. Honestly, when I read the synopsis of this movie, I thought to myself “I bet this is going to be bad”. I was sure wrong. In this bizarre mix of Dolph playing a character from something like Gone in 60 Seconds in a generic revenge action film, Kristian Alfonso holds her own as the deputy female lead. Come for Dolph getting revenge for the death of Ken Foree and stay for the kit car chase.
Command Performance
In addition to being Dolph’s greatest direction credit, Command Performance is one hell of a good time. Ranking #11 overall, this film literally rocks. Based on an idea Dolph got while he was at a Madonna concert held for Putin, this movie features Dolph as an ex-biker drummer who saves the day at a special concert held for the Russian President. Is the plot convoluted? Sure. Is the action fun? Yes. Come for a concert gone awry and stay for the famous guitar kill.
Kindergarten Cop 2
Did you know there was a sequel to Kindergarten Cop? Neither did I. Don’t get it twisted, this is one of the rare sequels that is better than the original. Kindergarten Cop 2 makes fun of modern parenting in the Pacific Northwest with pure style. Dolph plays an FBI agent living in an Airstream trailer down by the river, and Bill Bellamy stars as his buddy cop who teaches him about PC parenting. Come for the moment Dolph gives children chocolate and stay for when the children show just how much they learned about trojan horses.
Bonus: Best of the Worst
The Minion
You know how you watch a movie and think “if this was 40 years older, it definitely would have been on MST3K”? That’s The Minion. Françoise Robertson is 100% unbelievable as the anthropologist female lead opposite Dolph’s Knights Templer pupil. Her acting is downright atrocious. However, I don’t think I laughed harder for all of the wrong reasons the whole time I was Watching All The Dolph. You honestly should not watch this movie. If you choose to, come for the never-ending exposition in the cave that’s supposed to be a newly carved subway tunnel and stay for Dolph wielding a giant sword in the final battle.
