It All Started in 1987 …
Growing up, my favorite show in the entire world was He-Man. I had all of the action figures, Castle Grayskull, Snake Mountain, Power Sword, a talking toothbrush, and soap dispenser. Skeletor routinely busted into Barbie’s Dance Cafe to break up a Barbie and the Rockers performance and kidnap Barbie. He-Man would then rush up to Snake Mountain, rescue Barbie, and return her to the Dance Cafe so she could finish her gig.
When Masters of the Universe came out in 1987, my dad had no choice but to take his overly excited 4-year-old daughter to see it. I sat there in awe as He-Man was brought to life on the screen by a mostly naked and leather bound Dolph Lundgren. That set in motion my lifelong love of all 6'5" of Dolph.
Whenever people bring up their favorite action heroes, I proselytize the gospel of Dolph to the Arnie, Sly, and JCVD fans out there. One of the most impressive qualities of Dolph is that in his nearly four decade movie career he has almost exclusively stuck to the action film genre. That made my mission to watch all of the movies featuring my favorite action star a fantastic first quest. Regardless of the quality of film, I could easily rely on seeing Dolph kick some major ass.
Dolph Lundgren Movie Watching Criteria
I decided that if I was going to watch all of Dolph’s movies, I needed to document what I found. All of my hard work needs some form of purpose and productive output. In order to give me a frame of reference for my Dolph film watching, I set out with my list of criteria. This criteria is befitting of an action star of his caliber.
Criteria #1: It Must Be a Fictional Feature Film
This is not a quest to see Dolph interviews or commercials. It is not a quest to see him play parts in television series. It is not to see him reach his Maximum Potential. This quest is to see Dolph on the silver screen doing what he does best.
Criteria #2: Dolph Must Play A Major Character
It doesn’t matter what the box says the star is. Dolph needs major screen time in a film for it to count. For instance, while he is outstanding and steals the show as Street Preacher in Johnny Mnemonic, that is a Keanu Reeves movie that Dolph Lundgren has very little screen time in. That is not enough Dolph for my taste.
Criteria #3: Plot Doesn’t Matter, But A Story Can’t Hurt
Let’s be honest: action films are not Oscar chasing. Typically, they don’t even make sense if you think about it for more than 30 seconds. They have a simple formula of violence, sex, and protagonist v. big bad evil guy. I will not judge films based upon their plot, but good storytelling always helps with my level of engagement. I am trying to maximize my entertainment.
Criteria #4: Points Awarded for Extreme Action
As an action star, Dolph’s movies will be thought of more favorably if they contain more action. A decent movie with great action can quickly become better than a decent movie that tries to be serious. The reason is simple: it’s easier for me to remember when a BTR rolls through town than it is for me to recall a serious moment. This will help me as I sort and rank movies.
Criteria #5: Points Awarded for Sexy and/or Shirtless Dolph
For some reason movie executives think all women come to action movies for romance. Wrong. I grew up in the 80s when coke and white-man rage ruled the stories of the cinema world. I come to see hot shirtless men beat each other senseless and blow stuff up. A movie with a shirtless Dolph will most likely score better than one where he is clothed the entire time. (A side note to people who influence stories in the film industry: Please don’t add in the nonsensical romance; it detracts from the action.)
A Journey Begins
With my criteria in tact, I have started the ultimate quest to watch every Dolph Lundgren movie. Once I am done, there will be a series of pieces breaking down the things I saw. As I am approximately two-thirds of the way through while I write this, I can guarantee there is some good, some bad, and some downright ugly films in this filmography. Stay tuned for my next adventure when I give The Definitive Dolph Lundgren Film Ranking.
