Ah yes. Monday evenings. It is a time full of disappointment for us all. Nothing was more disappointing than these results. While Colorado (the most Eurovision-like entry so far) leapfrogged to make it through, we also got Texas and Alabama who did not shift positions in the rankings at all. Fabulous summer songs from states like Florida were left in the dust and songs like Alaska that were beloved by fans were unable to make a comeback from poor jury votes.
Some constants remained the same. Snoop is still the best host ever. He is still looking fly in his suits. His joy as he listens to music is infectious. You can tell he’s living his best life. When he listened to the queens from Arizona (read below), you could tell he was extremely into it and was shocked that the jury put them so low.
I am beginning to suspect that the jury has a much bigger sway in the results than the fans and they are purposefully voting out diversity. The vast majority of the jury is from iHeartMedia and is likely looking for only the most homogeneous, inoffensive, boring entries. I read a really good idea on Twitter that suggested America should pick 3 entries without any jury input, and the jury can essentially save one entry. There was even a hybrid idea that suggested the three highest combined qualify and then the jury can make a save. I think both of these solutions are more than fair for the qualifying rounds.
Overall, this night had a lot of songs that I really enjoyed. I added the most entries from this night to my ongoing Eurovision 2022 playlist. The worst part is that not enough genuinely good entries will be able to go through. It’s a shame.
The Songs
New Hampshire — MARi — “Fly”
I know very little about New Hampshire other than they are generally libertarian folk who LIVE FREE OR DIE. Because of the time I spent in Vermont, I know about the Green Mountain Boys and how they split off to form Vermont. Seeing her quaint New England town and story was really fun. I read a book about clambakes in college, and this intro reminded me that I still need to go to one.
If this was Eurovision, this would score extremely well with the judges. It fits the “Peace Peace Love Love” criteria, and the audience would wave their flags high to this song. This song is a perfect blend of country melodies and harmonies over catchy pop music. SHE CAN SING. I completely love this entry, and I am gobsmacked that the jury voted this so low. I do not expect her to make a recovery to qualify, but it would be fantastic if she did.
Nevada — The Crystal Method — “Watch Me Now”
Nevada is the only neighboring state of my home state of Oregon that I know very little about. Confession: other than the airport, I have never been to Las Vegas. As a person who does not really gamble and hates hot weather, it has not been on the top of my list. I tend to like mountains and lakes. It’s pretty up by Lake Tahoe and Carson City.
This song absolutely rules. Do I think this song is more like The Crystal Method is a producer and the artists are the other performers? Yep. Is it genius marketing to say it’s The Crystal Method though? Yep. I loved this song both live and recorded. The stage is fantastic. I think it will go through.
Utah — Savannah Keyes — “Sad Girl”
For me, Utah ties Alaska with the most bucket list places I must visit in the US. Ever since I played Fallout: New Vegas, I have wanted to hike The Narrows at Zion. I also need to visit Arches, Bryce Canyon, Canyonlands, and Capitol Reef. The only thing that has stopped me from spending time outside of Salt Lake City International Airport is prohibition and all other manner of fun police regulations. Even though I haven’t had it in a good 20 years, I really enjoy Arctic Circle and its delicious fry sauce.
I enjoy people who like fry sauce and made up curse words. Although, this made me think that if the intent is a curse or cuss, doesn’t that not make it okay? All cuss aside, this is the first legit country entry of the series. All other songs have been a bit more on the pop or rock side. It is good both recorded and live. Since she was voted so low by the jury, I just don’t see her making it through.
Washington, D.C. — NËITHER — “I Like It”
Although it is hot and humid in the summer, I do miss DC. Some of my favorite people still live in the DMV, and I miss going to eat at so many places. When the weather gets nice, I really want to have a drink at Lyman’s Tavern and see a show at the Black Cat. The last time I saw a show at the Black Cat, it was opening weekend of the National Museum of African American History and Culture, and Rough Francis opened up for Death. Both bands are great, and the Hackneys can sing!
NËITHER seems like the kind of guy I’ve bumped into at the Black Cat when they have dancing. His stage reminds me of something I would see at ESC. I love his musicality, but there is something just off with this song. If he wasn’t so pitchy, I might like it more. I really wanted to like it more.
Massachusetts — Jared Lee — “Shameless”
I love Massachusetts. Everyone I have met there was super friendly, and not in a creepy superficial way like they are in the south. I had some of the best chowder at the Black Cat Tavern when I was out on Cape Cod. I had some of the best pizza at Flying Saucer Pizza Company when I was in Salem. Vic’s Waffle House is a classic for breakfast. I’m hungry just thinking about Massachusetts.
The song title “Shameless” makes me think of Garth Brooks. I can officially say I don’t like either song. They are both boring and tired. This guy looks like a boy bander who wanted to relive his glory days. Perhaps he is a lost Wahlberg cousin. He put on his Just For Men hair dye and beard powder and was determined to make it work. It didn’t work for me, which explains why the jury loved it. I don’t get it at all.
Georgia — Stela Cole — “DIY”
Georgia is home to things I really love to eat like Waffle House, Chick-fil-a, and Zaxby’s. It is also home to So So Def, which had artists like Xscape that I couldn’t stop listening to growing up. But then there is a completely other part of Georgia that I just don’t like. It has something to do with the fake “nice” people and the judgy nature of the small towns there. They also were the worst tourists when I lived in Florida.
This song is a certified cut. It is giving me serious Serbia Hurricane vibes. It’s like a rich lush wine mom decided to live her fantasy on stage. This is only further confirmed by her Ric Flair “woo” at the end. This would definitely be at home in ESC as one of the strong woman pop cuts that tells the man off. I am so here for it.
Hawaii — Bronson Varde — “4 You”
I need to go back to Hawaii. I love the constantly warm ocean water and the lush beaches. I have never had better pineapple in my entire life. The people are so friendly, and it is easy to see why. I will never understand why there is an interstate that doesn’t connect to any other state, but I appreciate that it has a minimum speed limit.
I love that he started off his intro by pretending we were going to get something like Iz. I appreciate the chill vibe of this song. It is something I want to drink porch beers to. It was a bit lackluster for a song contest, but I liked it nonetheless. I don’t expect it to go through.
West Virginia — Alexis Cunningham — “Working on a Miracle”
West Virginia is a place I know little about other than moonshine and coal. I have driven through it, and what I have seen is absolutely gorgeous. If you have never watched Rand University, I highly recommend it. It gave Randy Moss and the come up of athletes a completely fresh perspective for me. That is about where my West Virginia knowledge ends.
I genuinely love the recording of this song. It gets stuck in my head. On the other hand, this stage show is a hot hot mess. This live version is pitchy from the first note. The song that the band is playing doesn’t even look like it matches. The background dancers are giving me some serious SYTYCD and Eurovision vibes. I don’t expect this to go through, but I will keep jamming on the recording.
Arizona — Las Marías — “De La Finikera”
Arizona is where my mom and some of my extended family lives. They all live in Tucson. One of the nearest border towns happens to be Nogales, where Las Marías currently reside. The first time I was in Nogales, my sister was a baby, and we were in town for a family reunion. After a night of my sister keeping the entire family awake, she finally fell asleep on the patio of a local bar. Fed up, my Uncle Chuck made a baby crying sound at her to wake her up. It’s a video that plays in my head often.
Las Marías are the real deal. I love a good corrido. This song is fantastic, and they even sport a female mariachi band. The costumes are perfection. The jury is out of their goddamn minds. Even Snoop was completely dumfounded when they were ranked so low. It is going to be a shame when they don’t make it because of the jury ranking. You want some extra disrespect? The official American Song Contest playlist doesn’t even link to the right artist on Spotify. Do yourself a favor and check out their other music. It is wonderful.
Pennsylvania — Bri Steves — “Plenty Love”
Pennsylvania is gorgeous. It is one of three states that reminds me of Oregon, so it is just dandy in my book. Two of my east coast staples, Yuengling and Dad’s Hat, call Pennsylvania home. It is also where they make Hershey chocolate, which I can definitely get behind. I highly recommend driving through the mountains and visiting IRL Silent Hill, Centralia.
This song leaves a lot to be desired. Let’s start off with the fact that it sounds like it’s from 1999. It’s just boring. She can sing, but you sure wouldn’t know it from this song. With her being off pitch, it gets even worse live. I do not expect this one to go through.
Washington — Allen Stone — “A Bit of Both”
Washington. My weird native brother to the north. When I think of Washington, I think of Detlef Schrempf, Gary Payton, Shawn Kemp, Kendall Gill, and Seattle Supersonics basketball. Plug that team into NBA Jam and you are unstoppable. It has great mountains and parks, but avoid the traffic between Seattle and Tacoma at all costs.
Allen Stone can sing, and he sort of sounds like Jay Kay from Jamiroquai. He was pitch perfect and clearly born to make music. He absolutely commanded the stage. Did I like the song though? No. I love R&B, but this was like one of those middle of the album tracks when you’re getting tender instead of the second single. All that being said, may we praise him for ousting Massachusetts.
Predictions
Three more entries will move to the finals. Let’s examine some of the numbers online as of yesterday from the official American Song Contest outlets…
Spotify Plays
Georgia: 79,081
Nevada: 3,782
Arizona: 3,698
Utah: 3,522
Massachusetts: 2,886
YouTube Plays (Both Video & Audio)
Arizona: 28,837
Georgia: 21,011
Nevada: 13,266
Hawaii: 11,897
New Hampshire: 11,652
The clear easy path through exists for Massachusetts and Nevada. Even though they are down in the 6 slot after jury voting, I think Georgia can make a comeback to qualify given the popularity on both YouTube and Spotify. Although Arizona is getting love online, I doubt they can make a comeback after being completely disrespected by the jury. It would be the best ever if they did though. My guess is it will end up being Massachusetts, Nevada, and Georgia that go through.
